The 3 E's of Easy* Parenting

Parenting is one of those things you go into without knowing exactly what to expect. An often easily attained title, being a parent is not easy. It's a call to lay down your life for the good of another; to put off selfishness and put on the virtues of patience, grace, mercy and compassion. It's a life-long role you fulfill in creating and guiding the precious lives of your children. And while it is something many, many of us experience, it is also a deeply personal journey; for every family, every child, is different.

When I consider parenting, I think of the commonly used phrase, "it takes a village" - and in our day and age our "village" is considerably bigger than it used to be. For we are not only connected to our immediate and extended families and neighborhoods, but through communities, schools, books, articles, media, news, internet, blogs and videos, we are exposed to so many different ideas and styles of parenting. Rules, tips, projects, schedules - whatever you're looking for you can find in spades!

This is what I've been thinking about as I raise my kids in a foreign country. There are cultural differences in the way we are raising our kids. And there is just so much information available about how to parent that it feels overwhelming. While it is amazing to have the whole world at your fingertips, there is danger as well. Time spent reading or researching can take time away from parenting. How many times have we sat there, scrolling through Pinterest for the perfect project, only to lose the time to actually do it?

As we look for answers to our questions, we can fall into the trap of setting up unrealistic expectations for our family and our kids. No one's life is "pinterest perfect"and we can't expect it to be. Having unrealistic expectations also leads us to compare our lives to others, coveting their apparently immaculate play-room or well-mannered children.

This is not to say we shouldn't use Pinterest, or Google, or participate on forums, or share ideas and tips on raising our kids. We should, however, be discerning when it comes to what we read, and how long we spend online. This is something I struggle with as my mind is always going a million miles a minute and I'm thinking about new recipes to try, projects for the kids, blog posts to write and wondering how many naps should my 8 month old twins be taking? 

So in an effort to simplify my parenting "style" I've been concentrating on three "E" words

Engage - Put everything else down and engage with my kids, in whatever stage or phase they're in. Cuddle my babies while they're young. Create Lego, paint and draw, play hide and seek and invest in my kids lives. Enjoy this stage, because it is going to be gone before I know it. Interact with your kids and invite them to be a part of what you're doing. This is not to say you can spend every minute with your kids, but they need to spend some time with you with no distractions.

Embrace - This season of life is short. Already my five-year old feels so big and my twins, babies no more. Treasure your kids for who they are, love on them and show it! Literally, embrace them each and every day. Embrace your role for this season. It means dirty diapers, snotty noses, potty accidents and lots of spills to clean up. It also means late-night snuggles, reading books with your kids on your lap, watching them discover the world, taking first steps and finding their place in this world.

Evolve - This parenting gig is one you take on with no previous experience. You are learning on the job. It's a steep learning curve which never really ends. Don't get bogged down by "rules" but be flexible in finding what works for your family. If it doesn't work, try something else. You shouldn't need to defend your parenting to anyone else. If you feel defensive, maybe there is something you know you should change.

There is no one "right" way to parent. Be wise with your time and your mind; fill it with Biblical principles, advice from those you look up to and trust. Read good books, find worthwhile articles and spend more time parenting than reading about parenting! While I am far, far away from having this parenting gig figured out, I'm finding that having these three words to think about helps to direct my time and focus my attention on what really matters; my precious kids and this privileged vocation called motherhood.

And now I've got to run as my twins are clamoring for my undivided attention! I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Essential Mommy Skills

Before Lucas was born, I'd had very little exposure to babies. I knew I wanted to be a mom, and just assumed that most things would come pretty naturally. And while some things did happen very naturally and easily, others are, well, definitely by trial and error. I am by no means a Super-Mommy, but I have picked up a few skills to keep in my arsenal.

1. Early on with Lucas I learned to nurse him on one side while pumping the other. This is a convenient way to store up some extra bottles of milk for when you're out or you need someone else to feed him. It is also an efficient (although not modest) way of using your nursing time. So don't try this one in public!

2. It's pretty easy to change a diaper when your baby is still pretty much immobile. We could probably even change a diaper in the dark with our eyes closed and one hand behind our back. But when they start moving, it can become a little trickier. After a good 5 years of combined diaper usage so far, I think it's safe to say I've become a master at wrangling a squirmy toddler in all sorts of places, to change their diaper without hurting them or allowing them to hurt me! Oh yes, I've also managed to become a pro at changing a diaper while the toddler is standing up. (Not recommended for the poopy ones though!)

3. The ability to check on your child and attend to all their needs in the middle of the night without actually waking up or remembering. (Also known as the One-Eyed-Mama.)

4. This one took a little practice, but has already been very useful - being able to crack an egg with one hand, while holding your baby/toddler in the other hand. It is pretty amazing what you are able to do with one hand; washing dishes, cooking on the stove (without burning your little ones feet), ironing clothes (admittedly this one is pretty tough).

5. The mommy-sense of just knowing when something suspicious is going on, being able to almost magically find that favorite missing toy, and the power to cure owies with a kiss and a hug.

 6. Learning to let go, embrace the messiness of life, cherish the moments, grow in patience, kindness, love and gentleness, and be thankful for each and every day we get to pour into our kids lives. (Still working on this on those hard days, but boy, are these two ever worth it!)

What's your mommy super-power or essential skill?

Linking up with

New Site, New Insight

If you are new here, you don't know what this blog used to look like. It got a much-needed design update just a few weeks ago. As I began to think about redesign, I thought about how I have changed since I last created my blog banner and "look".

Let's look at the old:

and new:

Quite a difference wouldn't you say? And while the white, modern, minimalist look is quite prevalent these days, I began to think that more has changed in my life than just my design sense. 

My old design had the banner, with dark grey and orange, and the overall blog had a much darker look. When I think back to that time it was by no means a "dark" time in my life, but there were a lot of changes that happened all at once. A lot of adjusting to do.

We had just become parents, changed jobs, moved country - all within 5 months. We arrived in Brazil with a very vague game-plan and set up shop at my in-laws. And I was settling into motherhood and a new culture and language. I started my blog a few months after moving, when I was still feeling the full force of culture shock and trying to find my place here. Having lived overseas for more than half my life, it was not an unusual place to be, but still a challenging one. 

I kind of feel my first blog banner embraces some of those ideas; a jumble of thoughts and feelings flying about everywhere with no real purpose or direction, just trying to make sense of it. Looking to my past, comparing it with my present and attempting to find my place in my new world. 

In the past few years, we've settled in, found our own house, the language is starting to come - and I've come to accept certain facts about my life, it's purpose and direction and while I don't always feel "at home" in Brazil I do feel more "at home" in my own skin. Put bluntly, I often feel like this: square peg, round hole. I think my new banner reflects this. 

But as I think about this life, I am glad to feel this way. Because I don't ever really want to feel completely comfortable with this life, this temporary earthly existence. "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

I want to be continually challenged and transformed by God's word in my life. I don't want to become complacent and comfortable. 

So most days, I am ok with being a square peg trying to be faithful to what God has called me to - in this round hole-shaped world. 

For more on the name Dual Voltage, check out my updated "About" section.