The 3 E's of Easy* Parenting

Parenting is one of those things you go into without knowing exactly what to expect. An often easily attained title, being a parent is not easy. It's a call to lay down your life for the good of another; to put off selfishness and put on the virtues of patience, grace, mercy and compassion. It's a life-long role you fulfill in creating and guiding the precious lives of your children. And while it is something many, many of us experience, it is also a deeply personal journey; for every family, every child, is different.

When I consider parenting, I think of the commonly used phrase, "it takes a village" - and in our day and age our "village" is considerably bigger than it used to be. For we are not only connected to our immediate and extended families and neighborhoods, but through communities, schools, books, articles, media, news, internet, blogs and videos, we are exposed to so many different ideas and styles of parenting. Rules, tips, projects, schedules - whatever you're looking for you can find in spades!

This is what I've been thinking about as I raise my kids in a foreign country. There are cultural differences in the way we are raising our kids. And there is just so much information available about how to parent that it feels overwhelming. While it is amazing to have the whole world at your fingertips, there is danger as well. Time spent reading or researching can take time away from parenting. How many times have we sat there, scrolling through Pinterest for the perfect project, only to lose the time to actually do it?

As we look for answers to our questions, we can fall into the trap of setting up unrealistic expectations for our family and our kids. No one's life is "pinterest perfect"and we can't expect it to be. Having unrealistic expectations also leads us to compare our lives to others, coveting their apparently immaculate play-room or well-mannered children.

This is not to say we shouldn't use Pinterest, or Google, or participate on forums, or share ideas and tips on raising our kids. We should, however, be discerning when it comes to what we read, and how long we spend online. This is something I struggle with as my mind is always going a million miles a minute and I'm thinking about new recipes to try, projects for the kids, blog posts to write and wondering how many naps should my 8 month old twins be taking? 

So in an effort to simplify my parenting "style" I've been concentrating on three "E" words

Engage - Put everything else down and engage with my kids, in whatever stage or phase they're in. Cuddle my babies while they're young. Create Lego, paint and draw, play hide and seek and invest in my kids lives. Enjoy this stage, because it is going to be gone before I know it. Interact with your kids and invite them to be a part of what you're doing. This is not to say you can spend every minute with your kids, but they need to spend some time with you with no distractions.

Embrace - This season of life is short. Already my five-year old feels so big and my twins, babies no more. Treasure your kids for who they are, love on them and show it! Literally, embrace them each and every day. Embrace your role for this season. It means dirty diapers, snotty noses, potty accidents and lots of spills to clean up. It also means late-night snuggles, reading books with your kids on your lap, watching them discover the world, taking first steps and finding their place in this world.

Evolve - This parenting gig is one you take on with no previous experience. You are learning on the job. It's a steep learning curve which never really ends. Don't get bogged down by "rules" but be flexible in finding what works for your family. If it doesn't work, try something else. You shouldn't need to defend your parenting to anyone else. If you feel defensive, maybe there is something you know you should change.

There is no one "right" way to parent. Be wise with your time and your mind; fill it with Biblical principles, advice from those you look up to and trust. Read good books, find worthwhile articles and spend more time parenting than reading about parenting! While I am far, far away from having this parenting gig figured out, I'm finding that having these three words to think about helps to direct my time and focus my attention on what really matters; my precious kids and this privileged vocation called motherhood.

And now I've got to run as my twins are clamoring for my undivided attention! I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

...and then there's the planet where Zombies come from...

...and other weird things my kids say.

Elena, sitting on the potty without her shirt on, feeling her long hair on her back: It's wong, mommy!
Me: Yeah, honey, it's growing really long!
Elena: Almost I will be a woman!!

Not sure where she got this idea about womanhood and long hair...or what it says about me right now...

Lucas: Let's call them both Leila! (the twins)
Me: Why, Lucas?
Lucas: Then we'll always know who is who!

In the car after school, Elena sees some graffiti on the walls: (shouting indignantly) Somebody dwawed on the walls! Who was it? Maybe it was God!!

At the dinner table,
Lucas: Mommy! That baby is leaking from her mouth!

And a wonderful conversation between the two of them, in the car, after driving around the block in a vain effort to secure a parking spot:
Lucas: they're not sharing!
Elena: I like shawing,
Lucas: I like cars, but now they're mean, because they're not sharing; the road or the parking lots...
Elena: Dirty cars!
Lucas: Yeah, poopy cars, they're like little disobeying babies!

And just so Leila doesn't feel left out...

What crazy things do your kids say? Linking up with Rosie today.

Quick Takes

--1--
You know you have four kids when a "date" with your hubby means having an hour in the car "alone" (i.e., all four kids sleeping in the back) and you stop to pick up your favorite drinks and snacks to enjoy on the way.

--2--
There's not much point spending half an hour writing out your meal plan and grocery list if you take it to the store and then forget to look at it until you've finished shopping and put everything into the car. Forgot one thing? No way you're going back into the store!

--3--
Lucas: Mommy, your belly is really squishy...
Me: Yes, it is Lucas, because mommy had a lot of babies in there.
Lucas: Yeah, first Lucas was in your belly, and then Elena, and then Lisa and Leila. You're right mommy! That's a lot of babies!
*pause*
Lucas: But how did the babies all get out?
Me: Well...
*pause*
Lucas: Look mommy! Leila's awake!
Me: *phew* dodged that bullet. 
At least he didn't ask how the babies got there in the first place!

--4--
How can my babies be 8 months old already? The time is flying by so fast. They are well over 8 kgs (about 18 lbs), eating all kinds of foods, sitting and playing by themselves, crawling all over the place and already trying to climb up on the furniture. They babble and sing and love to laugh. It is getting harder and harder to get a good photo of them together!

--5--
A few random numbers for ya:
30 - The average temperature (Celsius) this week. It's been hot, folks!
4 - Number of times I was up in the night with the twins. And this was actually a pretty good night! Each was up twice.
3 - Approximate number of times my cup of tea gets re-heated before finally finished.
6:00am - The time Lisa decided to get up for good this morning.
70 - The length (height) of my babies (in cm).

--6--
Lucas and Elena are getting to a wonderful stage where they love to hear stories. Mostly at bedtime as I think they want to prolong the process as much as possible. What are some good books to read aloud to them? They are age 3 - 5.

--7--
I was pretty happy about this Angel Food cake I made for David to celebrate his birthday last week. Not too hard as long as you're careful about any oil, grease or egg yolk that can mess up the rising of the cake. Baked it in a tube pan, then filled the centre with fresh strawberries and "frosted" with whipped cream. So, you know, if you happen to have a dozen eggs lying around, give it a try! Here's the recipe I used.

Happy Friday everyone! 

Life Lately

Well, it's been a little quiet here lately, but only because life outside the blog has been rather noisy and busy! Here's what we've been up to...

Meeting a new friend - Through several connections I met a new friend, a young mom like myself who is expecting twin girls in the new year. I invited her over for coffee and twin talk.

Decorating - I had the privilege of decorating for a good friend's baby shower. I had about a week to prepare which is probably the quickest I've put together something like this! I'll be posting more about it, but here's a little look...

Teething twins - yup, we've started that lovely phase. Fussy, teething Lisa = baby wearing day!

Pool time - with a holiday on Friday, and hubby away on Friday and Saturday for a speaking engagement, we enjoyed two afternoons at a friend's pool where both Lucas and Elena made progress with their swimming. The twins were happy to sit in their chairs this time.

"Sunday best" - Elena loves choosing her dress for church each week, and I finally convinced her to choose this one she got a little while ago from her grandma. Lucas really enjoyed posing for these photos.

First foods - We started our first food adventures with the twins. They seemed very interested and ready but we've had a slow start. I'm happy to go slowly though; with the twins turning 6 months old this week it feels like their baby stage is passing by much too quickly.

What have you been up to lately?

Play of the Day

Alternately titled; "Who needs toys?"

Apart from one or two special items that my kids are really into, we actually don't get a lot of play out of our toys. It seems that kids can make a game out of anything, and if I can allow them to be occupied with other "things" and encourage their imagination and a bigger sense of "play" then I go for it. (As long as the mess is not too extravagant! See this bean experiment here...)

So for anyone wondering what my kids get up to when their toys just aren't hitting the spot, here are a few examples...

1. Let's use the chairs and stools to make a jail in the kitchen!

2. Mmmmm! Cinnamon and Sugar! Seriously, she was occupied with this little bowl for at least 20 minutes, and didn't even make too much of a mess. Nor did she eat all of it.

3. Oooh! Plastic containers! Admittedly this one didn't last long before he was into a "cooking" adventure involving juice, milk, flour, mustard, basil, nutmeg and parmesan.... I should have gotten a picture of that "cake" when it was done; Lucas and Elena actually tried eating it. Might have to guide the cooking a little more next time so it ends up somewhat edible.

4. Yay! Boxes to rearrange! 

5. Let's play TV! On the air, a special episode of the Backyardigans, for about 5 minutes before they rearranged everything into an obstacle course.  

Looking through these, it appears my kids spend a lot of time in the kitchen. Other things we do usually involve moving furniture in the living room to create "houses"or obstacle courses. Ok, who am I kidding, with four kids in our small-ish house and the baby paraphernalia, our house IS an obstacle course! 

What do your kids like to play with? 

Adventures

Do you have perfect kids? The ones who are always dressed immaculately, use their forks and spoons correctly, have impeccable manners, obey on the spot and rarely need to be disciplined? Yeah, me neither...

Everyone said life would be tough adding twins to a household where the other two kids are not yet five. Of course, it's not the twins that are problematic; it's the older two! Plenty of interesting things happen to keep this momma on her toes, and to make life exciting. Here are a few "gems" from the past few days:

Lucas is pouring himself some juice into a rather large cup...
Me: Lucas, I think that's enough juice,
Lucas: No mommy, it's not enough, my tummy will be disappointed!

-------------------------

This one happened while I was away, and I'm really glad I didn't have to deal with it firsthand. I was spending the night at my in-laws with the twins, preparing for Elena's birthday party which we hosted at their place the next day. David stayed home with the kids and had to get them up on Sunday morning and ready for church. This is what he found when he walked into our living room...

Yup, a frying pan, filled with uncooked beans, three big boxes of juice (what didn't fit in the pan found it's way onto our carpet) a packet of jello mix and a stir-happy little boy. According to David, when he found them Lucas was mixing away and Elena was dancing around the carpet. Let's just say we're really glad we have a fake leather sofa...

                                                            -------------------------

Enjoying a nice breakfast-for-dinner meal last night, Lucas finished his crepes and started licking the syrup off his plate. He then asked for, "more syrup, please". Despite his polite request I insisted he couldn't eat syrup plain, he needed to eat it with another crepe. He acquiesced, plopping another crepe onto his plate. I dribbled a little bit of syrup on top. He proceeded to roll up his crepe, then held it vertically over his plate, and squeezed all the syrup out. Crepe aside, he licked his plate, declared himself done, and offered his syrup-less left-overs to Elena. (Of course, you know she ate it, too)

And after all this was said and done, he had the audacity to ask for dessert! 

                                                             -------------------------

Never a dull moment with these two, I tell ya! 

Happy Friday everyone! 

9 Reasons not to leave your child unattended...

ever...

You may find:

1. A sticky mess of a toddler with a half full bottle of honey. The other half is all over his bed; sheet, pillow and blanket...

2. ALL the books from your children's bookshelves piled onto a bed...

Or - all the toys and books from the shelves into the crib - on top of little sister...

3. Your budding athlete/magician showing off his new "trick" - throwing all the sidewalk chalk over the 8ft wall into the neighbors yard...

4. Six empty yogurt containers strewn across the living room...

5. A masterpiece of epic proportions on your wall, created with crayons and color pencils...

Clearly it got worse before it got better - and I think a whole layer of paint came off with it when it finally got cleaned. 

6. ALL the clothing and shelving removed from one half of your toddlers closet...
(to make a hiding place, of course)

7. Your independent daughter in the bathtub, clothing on the floor and the hot water running...

8. Two sweet smelling toddlers with half a bottle of baby powder. The other half is all over their floor, shelves and beds...

9. What you thought was your potty trained boy "doing his business" in the bathroom turned out to be an attempt to flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet...
(thankfully it didn't work, or we'd have one badly clogged john)

Some days it really is a wonder I get anything done at all with these two mischievous munchkins running around!

What do your kids get up to if left unattended? 

Can't we all just get along?

or Sibling rivalry rears its ugly head.

or Now I know why there's a fine line between love and hate.

It's been a challenging few months weeks in the Portela household. We have hit new highs and lows in relationships, behavior and discipline. I wrote a while back about Lucas and his Ferocious Fours and with Elena bringing new meaning to the term Terrible Twos it's been tough to keep the peace between them. Increasingly vocal, stubborn, opinionated and loud, it's a wonder we get a minute of peace and quiet in our home! Add to that growing strength, force and power (from both of them) - and I basically need to keep a hawk eye on them all day long. They are not happy being apart, not happy being together. Seems like one of those, "can't live with them, can't live without them" situations! Here are a few of our most common scenarios...

I don't want to do that!

Whether it is getting dressed in the morning for school, taking a bath, going down for a nap or simply putting on shoes to go outside and play; there's been a lot of resistance from Elena. I think it is mostly her desire to do things independently, "yet [let] me do it!" Lucas more or less responds, but often in his own time and is distracted much too easily by other things. 

Leave me alone!

Lucas is often happy playing by himself, and any attempt on Elena's part to play with him is often met with severe resistance, usually including loud screams and hitting/kicking/pushing. To deal with this I try to get Elena involved in her own activity, in a separate room, but somehow the two of them are drawn together like magnets! Which leads to the next point...

I want to "share"!

If I do manage to get Elena away from Lucas, heaven forbid I get her any noise making toy - iPad, sound book or musical instrument. Because then, all of a sudden, her toy is much more interesting than anything Lucas was doing and he declares, "I want to share" - which of course, is only when it is convenient for him. Occasionally Elena acquiesces and we get a few minutes of peace, otherwise there is more screaming and yelling. 

Rare Moments

Of course, there are times when Lucas and Elena somehow manage to find some common ground and play together nicely. These, however, often coincide with doing something they are not supposed to do and we start back at square one (after the mess has all been cleaned up). 

I'm sure this is all a pretty normal stage for close siblings to go through, it's just not made easier by the fact that momma is becoming less and less mobile and more and more exhausted as the twins grow bigger by the day. My only consolation (and a tenuous one at that) is that I'm glad we're dealing with this now and I hope that somehow we will get past this aggressive/rebellious stage before the twins arrive. I can hope, right? Otherwise it's going to be a very tough transition into a family of six! 

Hmm, wonder why I can't find any photos of them fighting? 

  So, how do I teach my kids to just get along?  

Friday's Letters - An Unexpected Break

Some photos we took on our long weekend away. 

Dear Pre-school - I'm very thankful you are keeping the kids an extra four hours today so they can attend the Tropical Party. Mommy gets an unexpected afternoon off and the kids get a party - win/win!

Dear Mom - I am so excited that your plane tickets are bought! It's going to be so great to have you here to help with the kids. It will be the first time you've seen me massively pregnant in person. So glad you get to be here to experience a birth with me.

Dear Twins - I am loving how active you are and how much I can feel it. Nothing "alien-esque" yet - but I'm sure that will come pretty soon. I can tell which one is kicking and one of you is definitely more active at this point (but you also have a little more room in there - according to the ultrasound). Now we are onto the hard part of choosing names. Two names is hard! But I guess I could choose one and your daddy the other - that's fair right?

Dear Hubby - Thanks for helping so much with the kids naptime and bedtime this week. Most especially for convincing Lucas that he's not really "too old for sleeping (napping)". That way Momma got some much needed rest in the afternoons. I'm also looking forward to our lunch date today.

Falling asleep on Daddy's shoulder. 

Happy Friday! 

Preparing for Twins - The Kids

It was Dec 28, 2009 when we found out we were pregnant with Elena - just five days before Lucas' first birthday. It's true - she was a little bit of a surprise! Since they were to be so close in age, I was quite happy to let Lucas keep a lot of his "baby ways" - I was not even going to attempt potty training before the baby came, he still used a pacifier and had a bottle of milk at night (and actually one in the middle of the night up until just before Elena was born - you gotta do what you can to get the sleep you need!) I figured it would be easier to care for two "babies" than to push Lucas to grow up faster than he was maybe ready for.

Now that we are expecting twins, I'm ready for both the kids to grow up a bit and become a little more independent. I'm trying to prepare the kids in a few ways to make this new, crazy, upcoming twin baby stage a little easier. 

Potty Training

This was very high on my list as Lucas was getting pretty old for potty training and I knew I did not even want to have night time diapers on either of them by the time the twins arrived. Thankfully something finally clicked in Lucas' mind and Elena caught on super fast and we have been diaper free for almost two months now!

Sleep

The kids have shared a room since Elena was about 8 months old. We usually put them to bed separately, to allow Elena to fall asleep before we put Lucas to bed. It worked for a while to put them to bed at roughly the same time, but since we've moved Elena into a toddler bed it is just too tempting for her to get out of bed if she is not asleep before Lucas comes. So for now their bedtimes are about half an hour apart (on a good night!) And after a few seemingly endless months of mid-night wake ups, they now pretty consistently sleep through the night.

Yes, they have matching toddler beds - we inherited them from a family with twins. So now we're all set for when our twins graduate from their cribs (if we're still in Brazil at that point!)

Eating

In general, they eat just about everything and are competent in feeding themselves. Funnily enough, it's usually Lucas who needs some encouragement and help. A little while back I wrote a post about how Elena was developing some good "big sister" habits (I think I was in the early, early pregnancy stage at that point!). 

Bathing
From about the time Elena could sit up, I usually bathed the two of them together. Although for a while we only had a small baby bathtub in which case they would take turns. Now we have a nice big bathtub that can easily accomodate the two of them. I have started teaching them how to wash themselves, but I still do their hair. It is getting pretty hard to lean over the tub to wash them!

School
This was put in place before we got pregnant, but I am glad they are both in morning pre-school. It's given me time to rest and get things done without them, and we are hoping to be able to keep up this routine for a bit of normalcy once we get to the end of the pregnancy and bring the twins home.

Of course, we are still dealing with behavior and discipline issues, but I think that is never going to be "done" - we'll just have different challenges to deal with.

Now, if I could only get them to dress themselves, feed themselves, wash the dishes and do their own laundry - we'd be good! :)

How else can I prepare my kids for the twins' arrival?

How to Get your Kids Movin'...

....when all you want to do is collapse on the sofa.

Everyone knows kids need time and space to run around and expend all that energy they siphon off their parents. They sleep better, eat better and just generally feel better. Not to mention all those large motor skills they are developing.

So what happens when Momma just doesn't have the energy to keep up with them? Or is physically unable to run around with them? While I'm hoping to not have a strict "bed rest" season in this pregnancy, I know it may happen, and also, I'm generally supposed to take it easy these days. Not so easy to do when the kids are used to me running around with them, giving piggy backs and just don't really understand that I need to rest and sit down. 

I've discovered a few activities that are good for getting their heart rates going and keeping yours under control...

1. Build an obstacle course. 

This one takes a little effort on your part, but once it's done you can sit and watch them run around in circles, climbing over chairs and crawling through tunnels. You can time their laps around the course or make yourself an integral part of it. (Just make sure you can handle them climbing on you and choose a comfortable position). Enjoy 10-15 minutes of rest while they work up a sweat!

2. Put 'em to Work!

A few weeks ago we got a hand-me-down toddler bed for Elena. It was in need of some TLC so I got Lucas and Elena to help me scrub it down. This is definitely not the most restful activity, but I was able to supervise for a while, and then help finish off the task. They also learned about helping mommy out and had fun with the water and brushes!

3. Find an enclosed park and watch them run around.

Grandma and Grandpa's apartment has a small enclosed playground area with some nice toys that we don't see everyday and the kids love to run around there and drive the cars. There are some convenient benches nearby where I can watch all the action. They are old enough too that I don't need to follow them around. :) 

4. Sidewalk chalk and hopscotch

This one is especially nice if you have a secure area so you don't have to worry about traffic or the kids running down the street. I help Lucas draw the hopscotch squares (good for number learning as well) and help him with throwing a stone into each consecutive number square and hopping away. We have also drawn huge shapes on the ground and they run around until I call out a shape and they have to jump into that shape. Very good if you have a lawn chair handy.

5. This one makes the most sense but isn't always possible - find someone else to run around after the kids while you rest and (in this case) enjoy the sun, sand and beach!

We enjoyed a nice morning at the beach today with Uncle Aaron who helped Lucas conquer some of his ocean/wave fears! 

We had such a good outing to the beach this morning I hope we can do it a few more times before this momma turns into a beached whale. :) 

Any other good "high energy" activities you recommend for kids? 

Christmas Cookie FAIL

One of my favorite Christmas memories from my childhood is sitting around our big dining table, with my mom, siblings (and maybe some friends) listening to Christmas music, tree lights on and decorating a huge pile of sugar cookies with all colors of icing and fun sprinkles.

So even though my kids are very small now, it's something we've attempted the past two years already. And this year I learned something VERY important - don't ever try a new recipe for the first time with your kids.

It just. didn't. work.

It was a new sugar cookie recipe that included baking soda, baking powder and cream of tartar. And the recipe didn't seem to have enough flour. So when Lucas and I tried to roll it out, all we got was a big, sticky mess. I had mixed the dough while the kids were in school, and it had chilled in the fridge until we were ready to bake the cookies.

I also realized I had the occasion to use this "situation" to teach Lucas some things too. He is in a stage, how can I put it nicely, where he is exploring the full range of his emotional capabilities. So before he had a complete meltdown about our futile cookie attempt, I tried to help him see how we could keep trying, sometimes things just don't work the first time, you have to be patient while mommy figures this out etc.

In the end he and Elena were happy to just play with the dough, adding flour and colored sugar to their hearts content, and making a big mess out of it.

Of course I didn't give them all the dough and was able to salvage a few cookies later on that we had fun decorating. And next week we'll try again with my old stand-by recipe (aka - my mom's :))

What Christmas traditions are you passing on to your kids?