Speaking Grace

Grace. It's kind of my word for the year.

Do you ever look at your children and feel like you are seeing them with fresh eyes? Almost as though you are seeing them for the first time, again? You notice the curve of their slightly upturned nose, the unique shape of their head. When I consider my children, they are Grace personified to me. I truly don't deserve them. They are not mine, but they are a gift to me. From the true Giver of Grace. And when I am struggling in the trenches of motherhood, feeling unworthy and under qualified, I am reminded of how much I need God's grace in my own life.

I want to speak grace.

I never really saw myself as overly impatient or quick to speak rashly or harshly. That, of course, was before I had kids! Somehow, in a matter of seconds, events escalate and I realize I am not speaking to them gracefully or graciously. Acknowledging that we are all sinners in need of a Savior has truly impacted the way I see my children - yes, they are beautiful, smart, unique, capable of many good things, but they are also sinners. And it is my job to guide and lead them to the only source of true goodness; a saving relationship with Jesus Christ and the work of His Holy Spirit to change their hearts. The way that I demonstrate this is often through my words - I want to speak of His love, His amazing grace. A book that my hubby and I are reading right now has really helped us to frame our everyday conversations (and confrontations) with our kids through the lens of grace. It's called (not surprisingly) "Give them Grace" by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick.

For me to speak grace into their lives, it needs to be working in my heart as well. I find myself mulling over this precious truth of God's grace in my life and praying for it to overflow to my kids. I want them to have a sense of grace in their lives and to see it at work in me.

So what does it mean to speak grace into the lives of my kids? It starts in my heart, receiving God's grace, allowing it to affect every area of my life. I pray for the fruit of the Spirit to be evident in my life; speaking with love, joy and patience. Being kind, gentle and compassionate. Always speaking the truth so that my kids can trust me. Using self-control when situations start to get out of hand. And in all things, good and bad, pointing my kids back to the heart-truth - that only through God's grace can I give grace to them.

Of course, I fail. All the time. I raise my voice, react too quickly, speak without thinking.

And that is what's so amazing about God's grace. He doesn't treat us as we deserve. Instead of seeing the sinful, broken being, He sees Jesus' righteousness and blesses us. This is the kind of grace I want to show my kids. And when I fail, His grace is sufficient for me.

He is working in my weakness to demonstrate His strength.

When it Rains...

Be thankful you have an umbrella...

So, it's not been the easiest of weeks in these parts. We received some disappointing news, which has sparked a multitude of discussions and prayers and worries. Along with some unforeseen changes, life is feeling a little unsettled.

We've also been dealing with a lot of sickness, most notably in the form of chicken pox. As I'm writing this, new pox seem to be appearing on Leila every minute. She is the last of the girls to get it. Elena caught it from someone at school and we've just been waiting to see when the twins would catch it. Lisa seems to be over the worst already.

Chicken pox girls - love their expressions in this photo

On top of this, Elena came down with come kind of virus which left her unable to keep anything down for two days. Not even water. After a quick trip to see her doctor, we were assured it was just a stomach bug, and one dose of medicine seems to have cured her. Today it looks like Lucas has got it too.

While it is easy to feel overwhelmed when life throws a ton of stuff your way, I've found that having a positive attitude and looking for things to be thankful for goes a long way to helping me weather the storm. Some of my "umbrellas" in this latest storm include:

- A wonderful Skype call with an old friend that was encouraging and uplifting, even though we are continents apart, and haven't spoken in a long time.

- It wasn't actually rainy this week, which made it easier to be somewhat quarantined with three sick girls. A little sunshine goes a long way.

- Lucas had a whole day field trip on Wednesday, and we knew he was having a great time and well taken care of, so we could look after the girls and take Elena to the doctor.

- My hubby, David, who works mostly from home was able to rearrange his schedule to help with the kids; from nap time to bath time he is such a "hands on" dad and our kids love him to pieces. I do too!

- These verses from Psalm 91

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

He will cover you with his feathers,

    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

This psalm is one that has been close to my heart for a long time. It is one that my mom used to read to us before she left us at boarding school at the beginning of each term. I love the image of God covering us, sheltering us from the storms of life. It doesn't mean that storms won't come; we need the sunshine and the rain to grow, but that through the storms we have a refuge. God is your umbrella. Even if you think you have nothing else to be thankful for, God is there.

What's the "weather" like in your life right now?

Why I'm glad my kids misbehave in church

Like many an idealist, I have an image of a perfect Sunday morning. It includes the mother, who, rising early, has time to shower and dress in her Sunday best before setting the breakfast table for the family. The children appear, well rested from a full nights sleep and take their places at the table without complaining. In a relaxed manner, the children are dressed, hair brushed, faces clean, shoes on and in the car ahead of schedule. The drive to church is pleasant and fighting-free. Children are polite to family and friends at church, sitting through the service without making a peep.

Ok, who am I kidding? This would never happen. At least not in our house. Sunday mornings are a rush of hastily downed cereal, chasing down toddlers to get dressed, tending to crying babies and trying to get everyone decent looking and in the car by 9:15 to make an hour long drive to church. And if we're lucky, momma leaves the house with matching shoes and no spit-up on her clothes.

Getting through the service is another feat. Easily distracted children with a short attention span, attending a service in their second language. Not to mention twins who used up a good portion of their morning nap in the car and generally need to be fed and changed. And did I mention my hubby works at the church and usually has responsibilities during the service?

But I am glad my kids misbehave during church. Ok, maybe not glad, but it sure helps teach me a few much needed lessons.

For one, it keeps me humble. There's not a lot of pride when you're on your hands and knees, crawling under the chairs to retrieve the toy car that went rolling off your son's chair. At other times, it's necessary to retrieve the child from under the chairs, or keep them from running around the room. (This was particularly difficult when I was 6+ months pregnant with twins.)

Lucas and Elena on the right side, actually paying attention to the children's talk.

 Secondly, it guards me against judging other families. I know how hard it is to teach and train your kids in acceptable church behavior and I'm far too busy splitting up a fight over the crayons to notice how your kids are behaving.

Lucas and I in the bottom left, and my best-behaved child (Leila) on the right.

Finally, it reminds me of how much I need God's help to get through every day. I do a lot of praying throughout the service, asking God for strength and patience as I wrangle my kids away from the communion table. It reminds me that's it's not about me. And isn't that the point, really?

So, on the occasional Sunday when you do find me, nursing one baby, with the other sleeping and my two angels sitting contentedly side by side sharing the crayons, I hope it's an encouragement to bring your family to church - no matter how they behave.

Cookie dough and tears

If you had taken a peek into my kitchen a few weeks ago, you would have seen a slightly pregnant woman, apron tied snugly around her waist, leaning over the counter, stirring a big bowl of sugar cookie dough, and soft streams of tears flowing down her cheeks...

It was a beautiful, sunny, Brazilian summer day early in December. The kids were off to school, and this momma decided to get a head start on her Christmas baking. The sweet sounds of Christmas music drifted through the house as she sifted and stirred the flour, sugar and butter.

It was when a certain song started playing, that she was brought to tears. It was one of those songs, you know the ones, where the marriage of music and lyrics is so sublime you cannot help but be moved. The words and images evoked, along with the rise and fall of the melody and the swell of the chorus stirred up emotions so strong that the woman could not even sing along. Feelings of grace, awe, wonder and faith. A deep stirring within her soul. A hope and a longing for its powerful words to be fulfilled.

It was a song known intimately to her, sung many years ago and yet the parts and harmonies, the words and dynamics remain so strongly etched in her memory.

The story it tells is of the true meaning of Christmas, not just that we remember Jesus' incarnation, his death and resurrection, but we also anticipate His coming again. It is this truth that we celebrate at Christmas and from which stems all the joy, peace, hope and love of the season.

As the music played, the woman made no attempt to curb her tears, but rather, cherished the moment, soaking in the words and the truth presented. Simply, a Christmas memory that won't be soon forgotten.

Have a listen, and bask in the wonderful truth of this season. (Scroll down to see the full words)

"When He Comes Again" - by Rebecca Peck 

Verse:
When He came, He spent His first night on a bed of hay
When He came, He left Heaven without wealth or fame
Wrapped in rags, Christ had no sign of royalty, 
The truth of who He really was the world could not see.

Chorus:
But when He comes again, On a cloud of majesty, 
Every eye at last shall see, He is the great I am, 
When He comes again, The hosts of Heaven with Him, 
He'll bring to earth a kingdom without end, When He comes again.

Verse:
When He came, He was rejected by the ones He loved
When He came, He drank freely from Death's bitter cup, 
Betrayed and broken, Jesus hung in agony, 
The truth of who He really was, the world could not see.

(Repeat Chorus)

Tag:
The hope of all the ages the everlasting Lord, That baby boy from Bethlehem shall reign forever more.

(Repeat Chorus)

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Five Minute Friday

This is my first week at joining the Five Minute Friday linkup; the kids are both playing quietly so we'll see if they give me five minutes to write.

Let's go!

You know when life gets comfortable, manageable, almost easy? Routines are in place, kids in school, meals and chores planned? That's when you gotta be careful. We sort of planned a pregnancy and I was in the beautiful stage of being sick all day, but still planning every last detail of how our lives would change with another baby...

Then BAM! A wake up call from God, reminding me, oh so gently, with the presence of two heart beats, that He is in control, not me. We definitely hadn't been planning for TWINS! And each and every day is a reminder to take each day as it comes, trust Him with our concerns and needs and allow our paths to be directed by Him.

So we trust him for the long months ahead, praying for these two new precious lives we hope to add to our family next year.

(my five minutes are up, but I want the record to show that I was interrupted at least twice by my two kiddos :) )

New Site, New Insight

If you are new here, you don't know what this blog used to look like. It got a much-needed design update just a few weeks ago. As I began to think about redesign, I thought about how I have changed since I last created my blog banner and "look".

Let's look at the old:

and new:

Quite a difference wouldn't you say? And while the white, modern, minimalist look is quite prevalent these days, I began to think that more has changed in my life than just my design sense. 

My old design had the banner, with dark grey and orange, and the overall blog had a much darker look. When I think back to that time it was by no means a "dark" time in my life, but there were a lot of changes that happened all at once. A lot of adjusting to do.

We had just become parents, changed jobs, moved country - all within 5 months. We arrived in Brazil with a very vague game-plan and set up shop at my in-laws. And I was settling into motherhood and a new culture and language. I started my blog a few months after moving, when I was still feeling the full force of culture shock and trying to find my place here. Having lived overseas for more than half my life, it was not an unusual place to be, but still a challenging one. 

I kind of feel my first blog banner embraces some of those ideas; a jumble of thoughts and feelings flying about everywhere with no real purpose or direction, just trying to make sense of it. Looking to my past, comparing it with my present and attempting to find my place in my new world. 

In the past few years, we've settled in, found our own house, the language is starting to come - and I've come to accept certain facts about my life, it's purpose and direction and while I don't always feel "at home" in Brazil I do feel more "at home" in my own skin. Put bluntly, I often feel like this: square peg, round hole. I think my new banner reflects this. 

But as I think about this life, I am glad to feel this way. Because I don't ever really want to feel completely comfortable with this life, this temporary earthly existence. "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

I want to be continually challenged and transformed by God's word in my life. I don't want to become complacent and comfortable. 

So most days, I am ok with being a square peg trying to be faithful to what God has called me to - in this round hole-shaped world. 

For more on the name Dual Voltage, check out my updated "About" section.