What's in a Name?

Choosing a name for your unborn child can be a fun and exciting process. It's such an important part of your child's identity. Parents often spend hours and hours poring over lists of names, writing down their favorites, vetoing some of their spouses choices, creating a short-list and finally settling on a name for their baby. We look at family names, meanings, origins, spelling, pronunciation, possible nicknames, even sometimes going so far as to imagine how the name could be twisted and made fun of.

With twins it is even harder! Thinking of names that go together and match the family name. Plus, with twins, people have a lot of different ideas of how you can solidify that special bond with their names. Here are some "themes" that I've seen in articles about naming twins:

I could add a cute photo of a nice
handwritten list - but let's be real here
- it was all done on an iPad app. :) 

(Keep in mind that we're having two girls so these are all girl names)

Seasons: Autumn and Summer

Gems: Amber and Ruby

Virtues: Charity, Harmony, Joy, Hope

"Destination" names: London and Paris

Months: April, June, May

Flowers: Rose, Violet, Daisy, Lily

Then of course there are names that start with the same letter, or names that rhyme, or even one name and the other the same but spelled backwards (like Heaven and Nevaeh - still not sure how to pronounce that one?)



While I think some of these are beautiful names, I don't usually go for matchy-matchy things, and in our family we have a whole other list of criteria that names have to fit into...

The names should
- sound nice together (and also with their sibling's names)
- work well with our family name (Portela)
- have some special meaning to us, or a tie to a family name
- be easy to read, spell and pronounce in both English and Portuguese.

 Not too much to ask for, right?

Ever since we found out we were having girls, people have been asking about the names. It's common cultural etiquette here to announce both the gender and the name of your child well before the birth.

So, without further ado...

Arriving mid May 

How did you choose your child's name?

When there is no Denny's

If we had our way, we'd celebrate this Valentine's Day with a big breakfast out at Denny's or IHop or another "breakfast" type place. With two small kids it's hard to get out for big date nights and I'm usually tired by the time we get them to bed anyways. So since the kids are in preschool in the mornings, a breakfast date is a great time for us to get away.

Unfortunately, we have no Denny's or IHop around here. Brazilians aren't really into the big breakfast scene. So we went for the next best thing, a nice Padaria (Bakery) where we could sit down for some fresh orange juice, croissants, sweet bread and cappuccino. 

A nice breakfast date, chocolate kisses from me to the hubs (but you can bet I'm going to steal a few)
and a shot of me at almost 23 weeks. 

February 14th is not Valentine's Day here in Brazil. We have actually just come off the famous "Carnaval" holiday, which happens right before the beginning of Lent. (We don't really celebrate Carnaval either.) It is a huge deal here in Brazil and we actually have another version of Valentine's Day on June 12th. While we are not big V-day celebrators, it's nice to do something small. And the June 12th celebration comes right around our anniversary (June 11) so we always do something to mark that day as well. 

It is quite nice to "celebrate" without all the commercialisation of the holiday. No stress, just time to enjoy each other's company in the absence of small (and continuous) voices, and talk about names for our babies. :) 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! 

Children's Week at Pre-School

As I mentioned on Monday, the kids had all kinds of special things planned for them by the teachers at their pre-school to celebrate Children's Day which is tomorrow. Their patience at taking photos only lasted for the first day but I did manage to get a few of them in their various outfits for the different days.

Crazy hair day!

Pyjama day - Lucas in Backyardigans and Elena in a Princess set.
Side note: my kids L.O.V.E. the Backyardigans, they ask to watch it at least twice a day, and I could probably sing you a song from every. single. episode.  

Dress-Up Day - A princess and Superman. You can tell Lucas was really not into taking photos on this day! 

Mismatch day - two very different plaids with mismatched shoes. 

Mismatch day - flowers, dots, stripes and mismatched shoes.

The kids had a great week, and even though I picked out all their clothes, they enjoyed wearing something different each day, and it also gave me a few days to wash all their uniforms. Tomorrow they have the day off school, and hopefully the presents they get in the morning will keep them occupied for a good few hours. I can hope, right?

Bilingual

You know, those people; the ones who have multiple languages stuck under their belt, switching effortlessly between the two, depending on the person and situation. Those people who can start a sentence in one language and finish in another. I don't like them. Ok, that's not true. In fact, most of the bilinguals I know, I love. :) It's just that I'm jealous that they grew up speaking two languages and can't remember how they learned them. I, on the other hand, despite living 12 years in Asia, got by with English and a little bit of Bangla. Definitely not enough to be considered fluent or bilingual. And so I find myself here in Brazil, struggling to learn another language, wishing I was gifted in that area like my dad is, and raising two kids to be bilingual.

When I met my husband at university, we spoke English all the time. (He is my favorite bilingual) Admittedly he did try several times to get me to learn Portuguese in those early months/years together, but as we were living in Canada and then Bangladesh, it was hard for me to add on another language. It wasn't until we moved to Brazil in 2009 that I really started learning Portuguese. I have since forgotten any Bangla I used to know, and refuse to think about any French I once knew (having studied it for 7 years in school).

via

There's lots of differing advice out there about how to raise your kids to speak more than one language. Some suggest that each parent exclusively speak one language with their kid. In our case, my hubby would speak only Portuguese and I would speak only English. But what happens when you are all together?

Since we are living in a dominantly Portuguese culture we have done it this way; when we are at home, we all speak English. When we're out, I almost always speak English with the kids and hubby alternates.

It has been interesting to see how our kids are starting to incorporate both languages into their arsenal. Lucas only really started talking a few months after he turned two - a little delay probably because he was getting two languages, and when he started, it was all English. He started pre-school a few months before he turned three, and while the first few weeks were challenging, he adapted very well to the Portuguese-only environment. Soon he was coming home singing Portuguese songs and learning to distinguish between the two languages.

People sometimes ask me how Lucas is doing with Portuguese and it's a little hard to know exactly how much he knows because he usually speaks English with me. For a while he would come home from school speaking Portuguese and if I would respond in English, he would say, "Não, mamãe, fala português" (no, mom, speak Portuguese!) Now I think he understands that it's easier for him to speak English to me. When we are out, however, he happily speaks Portuguese to people around, at church, at the shops, to kids at the park. Sometimes when he's playing by himself I hear him switching between languages. And it's so cute.

We have a lot of books in English and Portuguese at home. 

For now I think I know a little more Portuguese than he does, but I know the day will come when he will start correcting me. :)

So I'd better get back to my language study...

Our New Digs

A while back, I posted about moving and promised photos "in a couple of days" - HA! Well, here I am finally getting around to posting some photos of our new house. I had to laugh after a friend commented that she was glad our "dream house" had worked out. Our house is not perfect, and I don't think I would describe it as our dream house, but it is what our family needs right now. Plus, I have way too many ideas and dreams for a home that I don't think would all fit into ONE house! :)

So if you think our house will look something like this,

   get ready for a shock...         

As with most urban areas in Brazil, space is at a premium, even in our little city of Mogi. And our neighborhood is quite spacious compared to others. Here's a birds eye view of our house - we have a very long and narrow plot that is 85% filled with the house. The rest is for parking and a little alley along the side.

The red box shows our house. 

Here's the front of our house.

Don't mind the crooked photo - we live on a slight hill. 

As I did with our last apartment, I'll show you our floor plan (because I love floor plans :))

We have two parking spots which is nice, because having only one car it gives the kids a little space to run around. We were also very thankful to find a house with covered parking. So you can see the width of our house/land is about as wide as two parking spots.

There are two entrances, one into the living room, and a "service" entrance which leads to the open alley/laundry/kitchen door. I have been so happy with the laundry space. In our apartment I had about 3' x 3' to maneuver between the washer and the hanging drying rack. Here I have a nice long alley with two laundry lines as well as a free standing drying rack. I use my kid's old stroller to push my laundry basket as I put up/take down the laundry.  I just have to be careful when it rains as the whole alley is not covered. So far I've only had a few pillowcases get an extra rinse. 

The kitchen was the first room we saw when we first viewed the house as we came in the service entrance. I would probably say it was the kitchen that sold me on the house because it is so much bigger than our previous one and was already furnished with all the cabinetry. 

Off the kitchen is a long hallway that connects all the other rooms. So nice to have a bathroom close to the kids room, especially with potty training going on in full force here. The rooms all basically look the same with a nice big window (looking into the alley - but we get a good amount of light). The kids have a lot of space for playing in their room as well as tons more space in the living room.

While our office doesn't have a separate door, the one in the middle of the hallway basically serves to close off the back half of the house as the "parent's" space - with our office, bedroom and bathroom. This is very useful during the day to contain the kids (and their accompanying mess) to only one half of the house. 

We were also surprised to find a "bonus room" above our bedroom that is accessed by stairs at the end of the outside alley. It is currently serving as a storage space, but we have ambitions of making it a working guest room/craft room. It also has a built in BBQ (very common in Brazilian homes, but not so common to have it in a completely closed off room.)

So I will save all the room photos for one day when the house is fully decorated and clean (ok, that day may never come, but I'll try!)

I will leave you with this photo of our awesome kitchen. I probably have three times as much counter space and cupboard space as I did in our previous apartment. (If you can't tell - it was TINY!)

There you have it - we are loving our new house and the space, and we can't really even remember what it was like living in our old tiny apartment! 

A pretty perfect day

It started off as a perfect day would, enjoying a hot shower in our newly fixed bathroom while my little cherubs slept peacefully in their beds. The sun only just starting to stream through the living room windows as the coffee maker brewed its sweet nectar and the washing machine whirred with the first load of the day.

Soon a sleepy little boy made his appearance in the hallway requesting snuggles and cereal. Since we are in holiday mood an extra backyardigans episode was allowed as we waited for our little sunshine to wake up. After a leisurely breakfast we headed off to the weekly feira* to stock up on fruits and veggies with the promise of a hot pastel* if the kids behaved themselves.

Despite several attempts at escaping the stroller, we managed to fill the bags with fresh tomatoes, carrots, bananas, grapes and more, and savored a hot cheese pastel with strawberry juice.

Enjoying our treat at the feira. 

Then we headed to the mall to take Elena's photos for her school registration. Lucas and Elena enjoyed some time at the play place and I got to pick up lunch from Subway, one of our favorites.

This is the best. idea. ever! So helpful to have a place to put one child while the other is busy. 

The kids were cooperating most of the time, but there was still quite a lot of wrangling to keep Elena close by. The thing about having a pretty perfect day is that somehow the imperfections don't seem to be such a big deal.

After all it's perfectly reasonable to expect two toddlers to take off running for the elevator (and nearly lose one inside it) and for a little girl in the beginning stages of potty training to mess up three pairs of pants in one afternoon, and for said girl to try to eat several small rubber wheels....

So it definitely wasn't a "perfect" day, but it was close enough and I will enjoy being able to tackle all the small problems easily because when it's a bad day, those small problems can seem mountainous.

After a successful dinner (mostly), and a calming(?) bath, both kids seem to be asleep. Now for some down time, oh...and off to clean those dirty pants!

* feira = farmers market
   pastel = a deep fried pastry with a (usually) savory filling. It's very good when eaten hot and is a traditional feira food.

Two day getaway

Last week David and I snuck away for two days......

Ok, who am I kidding? When you have kids you can't really "sneak" anywhere, but we did manage to plan a two day getaway at a cute little beach place that we snagged with a 50% off Groupon-type deal. After almost six weeks of passing around various flu bugs, colds and infections within our family, it was great to get some down time, relax and recharge.

We dropped the kids off at Grandma's house on Tuesday morning and checked in to our little beach chalet that afternoon. It was a great place we'd been to before and we like it because you get your own little apartment with a fully equipped kitchen, a sitting room, two bathrooms and a loft style bedroom upstairs. It was kind of funny when I walked upstairs and saw a single bed and crib in addition to the double bed. It was already set up for our family, so I had a constant reminder of my kiddos. :) 

We didn't have anything planned except to rest and veg. We watched lots of TV shows, read books, played games and slept! I had all the food mostly prepped before hand and we enjoyed leisurely and late meals - something which never happens with kids! Here are a few shots from our trip:

Berty Ocas Apart Hotel - Bertioga, SP
(Only 45 minutes from our house!)

The entrance to our Chalet.

On the way to the beach armed with chairs and a big umbrella

A short walk to the beach.

Almost there...

Aaaaaaah.

Relaxing and reading. Can't remember the last time I had
more than 10 minutes to read a real book! 

Not all fun and games - this is the traffic I had to contend
with after picking up the kids from Grandma's house.

So there you have it - we really enjoyed our time away and the kids had fun at Grandma's house. We are planning one more trip to the beach with the kids next week. Should be fun!

Language and Personality

Talkative. Shy. Sarcastic. Witty. Timid. Smart. Awkward. Funny. Mean. Caring. Thoughtful. Genuine. Extroverted. Outgoing. You can tell a lot from what a person says and how they say it. The words they use and the way they communicate. Their body language and expressions. We infer a lot about someone's personality from their language. You form an impression based on what you hear and how you interact.

So what happens when you can't say much? Or anything at all? When I first visited Brazil it was "smile, nod and try to look interesting." The connections I made with people here were basically limited to those who could speak English. It is very easy to forget someone who doesn't say anything.

I wonder how I came across in my early trips to Brazil when my Portuguese was non-existent? Different personality traits can come across when you can't communicate. Proud. Dumb. Introverted. Insecure. When I first started at boarding school many people thought I was snobby because I was so quiet, while in reality I was extremely shy and often intimidated by others.

So as I find myself trying to integrate into a new culture with a new language, I sometimes feel like the Facebook icon - just a featureless face, a blank canvas. I am still learning the basics of Portuguese - the phrases that all newcomers learn, the standard questions and responses. While this is all very helpful and necessary, it also feels very robotic and cliché. It is hard to really express who I am in this new language. I am able to communicate, yes, but do I really come across? Because my language feels so limited, what people can understand and know about me is also limited.

I remember having a conversation with some Brazilian friends who speak both English and Portuguese and lamenting how the "formal" Portuguese I was learning in my classes seemed so far removed from the Portuguese I heard spoken all around me. I guess this is the case in all languages - what often distinguishes the native speakers is their use of idiom, those phrases that are used so often and are so hard to translate. I find it extremely humorous that the words idiom and idiot are so similar sounding; if you don't use an idiom right, you can sound like an idiot! Of course, most people are encouraging and helpful and appreciate your efforts to speak their language.

So I press on, making mistakes daily and slowly coming closer to feeling like speaking Portuguese will one day come naturally to me and people will be able to see the full picture of who I am.

Ginger Beef and an unexpected discovery

As I looked over my weekly menu on Friday morning, I saw that I'd planned to make ginger beef for dinner. To make sure I had everything, I glanced through the recipe. I had one of those "duh" moments when I realized that even after planning a week of meals, with a grocery list, I had forgotten to buy the most essential ingredient - ginger! So I got the kids all ready to go out - we'd walk down the road to a small grocery store at the end of the street. It's never easy to get out and about with two small kids and a stroller; but where we live we face some extra hurdles. We live in quite a hilly area and the sidewalks are terrible. Each property owner is responsible for their patch of sidewalk, which means the sidewalk is different in front of each building, there are ramps and bumps of differing heights, making space for driveways and entrances, and almost no ramps on the curbs. We also have several cobblestone roads to cross.

So as we left our building, I decided to explore a bit and see if we could find a better (albeit longer) route to the store. Turns out, the street that runs parallel to our main street has a much better sidewalk for a stroller. I also made another wonderful discovery; that street has a weekly market (feira) on Friday mornings! Imagine if we'd taken the usual path; we would've bypassed the whole thing. It just goes to show why my dad says, "why take the same road twice?" There is so much out there to explore. So we got to walk around the market, pick up fresh ginger and green onions from a vegetable stall and I couldn't resist getting a few flowers to adorn our table for a few days.

I think we may have found a new Friday morning activity!





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

One man's trash...

One of my favorite things to do on a sunny, summer Saturday morning is to check out the local garage sales for hidden treasures. There is something so redemptive about being able to take something old, used and battered and find a new purpose for it. That's why I love shopping at used stores; there is always something just waiting to be discovered and given a new lease on life.

So it surprised me when I came to Brasil and couldn't easily find a used store. It was about a year and a half before my mother-in-law's hairdresser mentioned a used household store just down the road from their apartment. It is now almost a bi-weekly stop for me as I walk back from my Portuguese class. The name for this kind of store in Portuguese is "brechó" and now that I've learned that word, I've already seen two stores in our city.

We managed to furnish half our house with furniture found at used furniture stores, and considering that we're not planning to have it forever and we have kids, why bother investing in expensive stuff that will be "used" the minute you set it up at home? The "things" that make you happy are really not "things" at all. It's the experience of shopping with your hubby for your own house; it's the thrill of finding that "perfect" piece that you weren't even looking for; it's the story behind the wood and metal, it's teaching your kids that what really matters is people, relationships and connection and that happiness is not about having new things or filling your life with stuff.

Last weekend we went to a school's annual community sale, where teachers have an opportunity to sell things (we don't have garage sales here) and we had a great time as a family. We pushed through the crowds, enjoyed a snack, and came away with a few treasures.

As we were driving back home, I saw this graffiti on the street and it is just perfect for this post. It's the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure" in Portuguese.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

A Full House

Imagine living with your in-laws. And their parents. Under the same roof. Oh, and  did I forget the kids? Right, you also have two kids. With the exception of a crazy pet, it sounds like a recipe for one of those crazy family torture/comedy movies, yet this has been our reality for the past year and a half. Well, Elena (baby 2) has only been around a few months, but still, it's a full house! For many cultures around the world this is a completely normal situation, but not for us. We've got generation gaps, language barriers and cultural differences that make for an interesting mix.

It's very easy to see life solely through your own eyes, as though you are the main character in a movie. Everyone else has one supporting role - in relation to you; your mother, brother, husband etc. But of course, everyone else also stars in their own story, so we all have many roles to play as we interact with those around us. So although this apartment is home to eight people, we have six parents, four grandparents, two great-grandparents and six "kids". Try to discipline a toddler with four extra sets of parenting eyes on you! I am a mother, wife, daughter-in-law and granddaughter-in-law all the time. Maybe it is this "being everything to everyone" that makes it difficult to maintain for a long time, and yet this recognition of all these roles also allows us to coexist peacefully as we each adjust our actions and attitudes to accommodate each other.

Of course, there are things that are frustrating, things that are annoying and a lot of things that are just funny (although they don't always seems as such at the time!) We have tried to make the apartment as baby proof as possible without changing too much, but an energetic toddler is hard to contain! We have lots of medicines to keep him away from, and all of the precious crystal and breakables have been slowly moving up higher and higher on the shelves. Right now the biggest challenge is keeping Lucas, our toddler, away from the table, that grandma loves to set hours in advance.   

The other thing that makes this situation less than ideal for me is that by nature, I am a homemaker. I love moving, decorating, and getting a home set-up. Although I expect a lot more work once we move out, I am looking forward to the challenge of  keeping up a home. I have learned a lot of little tricks from the other women in this household but in some ways we will always do things differently. For example, when we wash dishes, grandma puts them on the drying rack starting on the side closest to the sink, I put them starting on the side farthest from the sink and work my way towards the sink. My mother in law also starts on the farthest side but places the plates the other way around. Usually only one of us is washing dishes at a time, but occasionally we all wash a few and the rack ends up looking something like this:

It has certainly been an interesting year, full of ups and downs and various challenges, but I've learned a lot and come to know and appreciate my in-laws in ways that I never would have otherwise. We have also definitely benefited from the built-in babysitting! Lucas has brought a lot of joy to his grandparents and great-grandparents, and a few worries to his doting great-grandmother. I know once we move, we will be missed and I will appreciate having our own place that much more.  

World Cup Fever

It is no secret that Brasilians are into football, and when it comes to the World Cup they show a patriotism and dedication to the sport as none other; in fact a CNN article characterized Brasil as the country "where perhaps the tournament means more than anywhere else." The whole country has World Cup Fever and it shows; shops, businesses, cars and homes proudly display the flag, green and yellow products are available everywhere, from tic tacs to razors, m&m's and more! Not to mention the cheering paraphernalia; hats, wigs, bracelets, sunglasses, nail polish, clappers, buzzing lips, horns and, of course, the vuvuzelas! All to show support for our team.

Now sadly for us, the Cup is over and we must wait another four years for our chance to add to our five World Cup wins (the most that any one country has won in the tournament's history). This is my first time experiencing the World Cup in Brasil and I am by no means a football (or Brasilian culture) expert, but let me share a few stories that illustrate how the World Cup changes our world here...

When Brasil plays, the streets are empty. If you know anything about São Paulo traffic, that is saying a lot! My Portuguese teacher said that when Brasil plays, you could lie spread-eagle on "main street" and not be touched. We live on a pretty busy street and here is the view during a Brasil game (yes, I diverted my attention for a minute to snap a pic!) Just don't go out in the hour before the game; everyone is scrambling to get home to watch it!

When Brasil plays, everything shuts down; banks, stores, businesses. Some employers let their employees go home early, or they show the game on a big screen at work. No matter how you cut it, no one is working during the game! The McD's across the street from us closed it's gates and we could hear the employees cheering as the game progressed. Here is a photo of a sign at the local supermarket which says, "Dear Customers, during the hours of the games of Brasil in the Cup, this store will remain closed. We are together, cheering for our team. After the game, we will open as usual. Thank you for understanding. Next game: Brasil x Portugal, Friday 25/06/10 at 11:00am".

During the Cup, you can start a conversation with a perfect stranger with the words, "It's 1:1" and they will know exactly what you are talking about; the game that is currently on. Last week David and I went to tour the hospital where I will be delivering our second child in August and were met at the door by two very serious-looking security guys. Later I had to go to the bathroom and David commented that as soon as he mentioned the score of the game that was on at the moment, the security guards relaxed, opened up and they chatted away about the Cup.

As we approach the final we are comforted by the fact that Argentina didn't make it any closer to the finals than we did and we'll watch and cheer someone on, but when the day comes (and it will :)) when Brasil again wins the Cup, there will be dancing in the streets!

Caution: High Voltage

Warning signs are there for a reason; something dangerous, something to be cautious of and a reminder to be prepared. You don't just go waltzing into a high voltage zone, or stick your hand into the circuit box. When presented with an outlet you don't recognize, you're very likely to go check the voltage to make sure you won't blow your appliance or the wiring in the house. Its also useful if the plug matches the outlet. :) Wouldn't it be nice if we could have some kind of warning when entering a new culture or situation? A reminder that we're in a new context and need to be prepared.

Living in Bangladesh for a number of years we became accustomed to living with a different voltage. Everything there is wired to 220 volts, so either you check your 110v coffee maker at the door or get a transformer. You get used to reading the small print on your plugs.

The point I'm trying to make is this; at home, you don't have to think. You take the standardized electrical system and corresponding appliances for granted. You plug things in and expect them to work. You don't have to worry about sparks flying or that terrible smell of burning plastic. You don't even think about the small print on the bottom of your tea kettle.

Likewise, our own culture is something we take for granted until we are confronted with something unfamiliar, something which conflicts with a tradition, belief or attitude we hold.  Something that hints at a different electrical system. When faced with a conflict we must approach with caution. There's a reason culture clashes can be so potent. As the "outsider" the impetus is on us to make adjustments; find the right tools to interact so neither side gets burnt out.

So what's hard about adapting? Not much; you just have to be determined, open-minded, willing to change, humble, persistent and patient. And if you're being immersed into a foreign culture, you have to be aware of this all the time. No wonder people experience culture shock! It takes time to figure out how things are wired and to discover the adapters and transformers that allow you to "work" in this new culture.

For me the hard thing has been this constant sense of questioning, double checking, reading the fine print to make sure I'm going to fit. I feel like I'm losing my confidence. I have to rely on other people to get the simplest of tasks done, (something which can be painful for an very independent person!) How long will I be second-guessing my every move? How does my unique cultural identity fit?

Only one question remains; what is my unique cultural identity?